I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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