you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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