My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
