the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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