i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize