dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
