yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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