Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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