I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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