I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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