Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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