my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
