pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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