i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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