i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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