I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
