Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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