Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
