Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
