She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
