Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
