I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
