Don't you send me to vm
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize