my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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