birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
