Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
