I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
