and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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