i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
