she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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