im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
