dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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