Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
