you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize