As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
