I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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