I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
