We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
