I think my vagina is haunted
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
