his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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