i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
