So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
