people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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