There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
