i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize