I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
