i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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