Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
