just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
