watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
