she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
