Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize