he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
