i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
