tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
