Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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