do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
