Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
