I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
