we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
