I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
