Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
