Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
