i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize