i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize