Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
