This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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