Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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