also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
