wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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