Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
