I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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