I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
