One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i drank out of a bidet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
